Fear Is Only In My Mind Taking Over All The Time

i know

 i keep on saying that i will post something the next day but my brothers wont let me get a turn on the computer but any what what happen to me over the past 2 weeks well lets start off  on sunday night about 11:30 pm when i got a phone call from my best friend jenna saying i need to come over now because something was wrong. the frist thing i thought was oh my god whats wrong with isaiah ( that my god son). it took her forever to tell me that her and lj ( her now exboyfriend, the father of her kid) that they broke up. i quess lj's friend jhonny wanted lj to go out with his exgirlfriend. when i found this out i wanted to beat the hell out of him and still do. well i stayed there until tuesday. now on wensday my brother chip started to argue with me and that inturned got my mom and dad to fight. after they got done i was in my bed room listing to "EveryThing Burns" by Ben Moody( really really good song and music video) and my mom can in and start to scream at me( she got so mad she fuckin turned purple) and blamed me for everything that just happen( now i can understand yes, blame me for arguing with chip but blaming me for everything that my parents where arguing about, it waas more than just me and chip it was about money, food, and mostly just all around bull shit)(but that not fair to blame me 4 and i know that.I dont ask them for any money i go out and babysit my little cusions for money, i work for what i get and i am only 17[ my birthdays 2 morrow so i can say that] so i told her just to blame me for all of her fucking problumes and not to worry or give it another thought about it because it seem that no one gives a flying fuck about my depression and that the world will be a better fucking place it they just blamed me for everything that happens to them.............oh that pissed her off even more but what a great week i had........................so yeah tomarrow i will be 17 yeah 1 more year until i can be my own boss oh hell yeah ......... then i dont have to put up with all the bull shit and maybe then i can get over my depression. but i g2g now. hopefully i can get on 2 marrow and write or maybe later on 2 noght.

~Amber~